No More

How deceptive is life? When he was around how much did I know him? I ask myself that one question innumerous times.. maybe when he said 'this' he actually meant 'something else'.. many things which dint make sense then, does make sense in a different light now.. I have grown over the years - I sure have.. a more matured sense of understanding has creeped its nasty face @ me(why nasty you ask - well!! all this while I dared not think otherwise.. there was a convinience in believing what showed its stark face).. sometimes it make you guilty - I did everything that I possibly could.. I tread countless of those extra miles.. yet.. mostly strayed from normal path.. things just dint fit... I have more time to think from a broader perspective now.. maybe.. or maybe I usually was always right.. who knows.. what another person would have done in my place.. that probably is the beauty of being a human.. every individual deals with their circumstances in their own unique way.. if he was actually around now how would my life be? I always think it wouldnt have been the way it is now.. maybe it would be worse.. maybe not.. how can I know for sure? it will always remain a mystery.. even 2 yrs back I dint have the mental stability to think in a positive light about this one disturbing fact.. its hard to believe you make history as you shift thru your life.. just reminiscing the past here..

Walking on fire or even ice!

One causes burns and other causes freeze burns.. which ones better?
thats what life is mostly about without our innate knowledge.. so many instances all thru your life when you think you made a point.. but it hangs in mid-air.. cause people hardly ever 'listen' - mark my words 'Listen to you'.. the sooner a word comes out of your mouth the so-called listener starts processing it in his/er own perspective.. it could be good, could be bad.. could be a barrage of questions simply to throw you off.. sometimes, by the end of the day when you draw a summary of a simple conversation you are like - what the H***!
For a long time I believed that the things I say is perceived as I perceive it.. but I dont get fooled by that naive fact anymore.. as people grow, with maturity and experience lot of 'other things' adds spice to staright forward answer or a simple conversation.. why I think this way!!! o wow!! where do I even start.. every single person has a selfish motive in reaching out to you.. if they are giving you any importance always know - its for a reason.. sometimes good-will, does get thrown out the window.. its a tough, hard-souled world out there.. face it.. deal with it.. do we have a choice? nah!!!
only your true friends do not fit this criteria
so when you are up and about, do look for signs all around you.. you will be able to judge real soon who your true friends are.. the sooner you let your guards down you get attacked .. and it will hurt you bad..
Thats why for me it doesnt matter if I am walking on fire or ice.. both are equally dangerous - You will never come out unscathed.

Random

My mental schedule says 'go sleep'.. but body doesnt respond to it. Guess sometimes your mind and body dont align the right way. ya!!! its a weekday you would think its normal for you to be in bed by 11:30.. but heck.. am tired.. tired of running around schedule.. wish there was such a time once a week when I could forget about things to do and just relax.. o wo wo!!! what word is that - relax? o come on!!! do we have time for that?? not in my circumstances.. everyday calls for running around the clock.. nah!! am not training for any marathon.. just talking abt my clocked life.. all words in dictionary - like - freedom, independence and the likes.. seem so overrated @ times.. maybe this is the result of stress.. why i have subjected myself to stress.. I am not sure(well!! do I have a choice.. no).. sometimes I am glad I stay busy.. but sometimes I wish I could clock myself relaxing for a wee bit.. nah!! doesnt seem like a possibility anytime in tne near future..