Wat am I where am I @ this juncture!!

Sure am glad I still am sane.. it irks me to follow routine and yet I am tied by 'that' most of my life.. were one important factor is health the other end of the see-saw is money.. so much to learn from your own life.. most frustrating part is being tied down by relationships, finance, health,age and your current logistic situation.. excuses!!! helplessness to risk it all..

Durgotsav

wipes out all my pains and sorrows every year ven she pays yet another visit..
the conqueror of Demons.. Ma Durga..

She brings light.. drives darkness away..
She brings joy.. keeps sorrows @ bay..
She brings warmth.. rejuvinates the soul..
She gives strength.. drives cowardice away..

Jai Ma Durga!

Dibilitating Perspective

O wow!!! rampant thots out there.. once you start looking and knowing people's thots it amazes u .. people with personalities are often applauded and mostly criticized for what they believe in - 'You have a voice, you have individuality - o No!! u dont belong'.. I dont understand the cluster mentality and hardly appreciate it.. yet we live in a society and belong... the societal rules are mostly made by us yet.. its hard to digest it at times.. most people lack maturity.. still stuck in a rut of 'what ifs' and 'why nots' like little kids...
for example:
its against my nature to just pick up the phone and talk.. theres hardly time for chit chat.. yet people expect that from me.. is it my fault?? who knows.. email on the other hand is a safe easy way to communicate.. drop a line and also give the other person his free time to reply back(assuring him/er that he/she is in ur thots).. no pressures.. besides sometimes its hard to express urself in few spoken words or just situation makes it tough to get thru to someone just being wordy while speaking.. what then?

anyways.. just things going thru my mind.. also the same situation starts every person off on a completely different thot process.. my experiences have taken me thru different thinking process depending on personality and sometimes one logic beats the other
its so hard to find someone you can trust
the crux of the whole topic is - probably a childhood friend will know you best.. all others dont really care much.. its more about their thots.. their ideas.. their logic and their reasoning and what they did for you... it was never about you right from the start..

sometimes it helps to be a person of very few words... that way you hardly get into any confrontation with anyone.. big question is can an open person like me be that?

you know I believe in 'Chi'.. the negative energy all around me is probably getting to me...

even after jotting this I hardly feel any different from what I felt sometimes back.. life is confusing.. u cannot pinpoint what is right and what is wrong.. its all so subjective!!