Lost

where do I go from here? some territories I keep away from, comes right back @ my doorstep. Tried time and again to focus on day to day scheduled life. But am reminded more often than not - missing out on somethings?? am I really missing out on something?? smooth and a cool unrippled lifestyle never did go hand in hand for me with 'this'.. I fear the minute I succumb and loose my resolve I will be thrown bac to a deluge of misery that comes with ...... .. wat do I lack? why do I traverse these untreaden path? why this test of time on me? y? so many questions unanswered.. this kaleidscope of life is actually beautiful.. just want to enjoy this moment ..