Professional life - Part 1

Had I started with TCS back in 1997, I would have had 21 years of working in IT, under my wings?! Phew?! Hard to fathom that when I look back at a series of 'turn of events' which has brought me to where or more appropriately 'who' I am today. Man proposes.. God Disposes! who are the geniuses who came up with these quotes?! So true!! but at the same time there is NO equal to life's experiences that I have gathered along the way.

When I started off right after high school,  and after having failed to get through state level Medical entrance exams in West Bengal and Orissa 👀 One thing became crystal clear - 'Doctory(if thats even a word) aint my religion   . 'Engineering'?! Nope. Needed to find something that matched my persona. And years later when I am penning down this post, I am thinking to myself - 'whatever was I thinking back then'. Well! fact of the matter is that I wasnt thinking. This plan of only focussing on me being either a doctor or an engineer was laid out for me cause of my environment and circumstances just like the horses with blinkers, so only a narrow stretch is visible to them. Also fact remains of our middle class mentality. We were not encouraged to dream big. I wonder why.

While I am still constantly trying to play it safe, my inner voice is screaming - ENOUGH!

Contemplating this even more, since my daughter is at that same threshold today and trying to figure out which path she wants to walk. Cause truly life offers options. You need to grab it at the right time. Mostly your own insecurities hold you back. They are your 'Saboteurs'(as one of my friend mentioned).                        
                               .....................to be continued

Pishemoshai - the Illusionist

Missing my one and only Pishemoshoi immensely. He departed for his Heavenly abode exactly 4 months after my Dad, this month. Feeling sad that I didnt interact with him as much as I should have, after growing up. Spent innumerous summer days during my visit to Kolkata at my pishis house in College street. As best put by my own sister - "Pishemoshai created a world of intrigue and imagination around us, which is tremendously attractive to any child." We followed him  like  the rats followed the pied Piper of Hamlin, into the Ghodi/Clock room, full of all kinds of age old watches and clocks. It created an impression of the past in that room for us.  He would play with us - tag, hide and go seek, ludo, whatever game we were up for. He would bring very rare Seafood, fruits and vegetables for us to try out. He created a mysterious world for us and made those childhood memories so precious. He never scolded us for making a mess. He would say  in Bengali - "Bachchara to korbeyi" - "kids are kids, let them be". His home was never a typical Bengali "Lakhishri home" because it was infested with children/kids from the neighborhood. He would help us build a stage for all kids performances too in the the bylane they lived at.  He would make all kinds of tasty treats for kids and for those adults who had a heart of a child. My pishi would  scold him sometimes for participating in all the pranks with us :-). He never questioned our likes, dislikes or wants and understood exactly what kids love most - to be accepted for who they are.

Dedicating this quote to him for all the cheer, joy and precious memories he brought to us:

“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”

― Plato                 
You  will be missed! May your Soul rest in peace!

My Ma

From time to time I will focus on some of the closest people in my life and how they have affected my personal growth and well-being. Who else but my own Ma! whatever I am, I am because of her and my Baba too. Kinda getting emotional while writing this. She has been my strength and support through life. I never expected an instantaneous and correct answer from her, but she would always come back with an awesome and logical answer to all my questions. Very spiritual in her own upbringing, her sweetness has percolated in many people's life. She was one of the best teachers of her times and her students still adore her and reminisce those bitter-sweet days. She had just the correct balance of toughness and resilience about her. Yet there is this childlike nature to her where she never stops learning. Am so proud of her!

I am amazed how she has, very deftly adjusted with time and from a very strict mom has converted to a wonderful friend who I can lean on, most anytime. During my hard times, whenever I have talked to her she has tried to comfort me with her wisdom and shown me how I have overcome hardships in the past, imbuing me with more confidence in self.

She has such great talent in the arts, which she has never pursued(as a career, just because she wanted the best for her 2 daughters to begin with and was happy to just be a great mom) in a way where she could establish herself as a household name in society. She could have been an awesome dress designer. She would spend innumerous hours stitching dresses for me and my sister(for events and festivals) until we both went off to college and she even stitches for us now whenever she finds time. She always has a unique touch to home decoration and its classy. She has a beautiful singing voice, but never pursued singing in a way where she could make a name for herself, but she always encouraged me to pursue it. All she wanted was for her daughters, to turn out to be beautiful human beings inside-out. Because of my parents and their sacrifices I now sit here and recollect those beautiful childhood memories. I realize now, how hard parenthood is, cause I am a mom and its a humongous task to be a parent. The decisions you take as a parent affect your child directly. so you have to be cautious. Noone actually teaches you to be one. What kinda parent you are is your own choosing!

Today I called her since I was feeling low due to a shortcoming. She was disappointed on my account too, cause she feels my pain, but after a few minutes she readjusted and gave me her suggestions and advice to get on and not look back at what has already happened. I am lucky and thankful to have few such wonderful people in my life who I will mention in some of my future posts.

Its her greatness that she accepts, whatever she did as a parent might not have all been right. But yes she was much younger and inexperienced and did what she felt was right. Well! we turned out fine! So I think it was all good. Allz well! That Ends Well!!

I would always want my Ma to be my mom in all subsequent rebirths. Shes the best and I love her dearly! Shes my pillar of strength and I think I know that from the time my heart beat synced with hers, in her womb.

In All fairness

“If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them, it is like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don't eat lion...” - unknown

We need to think of a strategy to deal with the world. Expectations are boundless.. keep expecting without doing and you are in for failures. Its actually and mostly YOU that make things happen for you.  

Birthday puzzle solved

O thats why! The loads off today. I feel much lighter.

uff!! what a relief yesterday is done. gosh!! human mind! we unintentionally think so much so so much. On the actual birthday  you expect a wish from almost everyone who comes to talk to you, at least I do. I am almost a tad snappy that day, guess thats happening more often with passing years. Its as if everyone is getting another year to wish me. It really sounds funny when I put it this way. Your expectation, more or less is that, they know its your bday and they should wish you. I was so tense all day yesterday, lest anyone didnt wish me. I felt mad and sad. I felt unimportant if the person talking to me didnt wish me(particularly if by intuition I knew he/she knew it and forgot to mention). I consider birthdays are special where a new star is added to your life. Its a celebration of life itself. That ultimate factor that makes us human. The heart within us that continues beating, that breath of life, the senses, the perception, the emotions, the thing they call love and of course at times the glorious feeling of adding another year to the thing they call your life.

ufff! glad yesterday is done. By the end of the day, if I didnt get a wish, I kinda coaxed the person to wish me or extracted a hug if I had to. Now I am smiling and laughing to my silly endeavors all through yesterday. But to tell you the truth, I feel much lighter and relieved that the day is done. From childhood I carried the feeling you have to really be gracious about this particular day and to the birthday person. Noone can scold you, noone can say bad things to you, etc and such stuff. Its a free pass to happy living that day. You get gifts and everyone appreciates you for who you are, at least that day. Its one day a year thats yours. Why not make the best of it!!!

Typicality at its utmost

Why is it that the same community you expect to be your support system does everything to pull you down!!!

Why is it that while you are building your dream these same folks do everything to bring the walls of your dream down!!!

Your imagination, your creativity gives birth to a mirror of ideas and when that idea is finally taking a form, shape and spreading cheer and inspiration and joy abound, a stray pebble whizzes thru and tends to shatter it.

Its so hard to build something and so easy break it. Why then those destroying hands dont help with building!!

This is for a friend and her struggle with her uniqueness and her intent to make a mark and to raise awareness for a special gift and her ultimate passion.

Information overload

haha!! While I begin to write this I am ending up posting a blog for people to read(yet again). While I am happy to be a part of this day and age where all information is at your fingertip, I feel frustrated that you do not have a one-stop-shop for any information on anything anymore. Few years back you bought a piece of equipment and a user manual came with it for you to understand the workings of that equipment. So you read that, figured it out and you were good to go.

This past week I got my new kindle(not kindle fire). Its nothing hi-fi. Simple device to download books and read. Really want to give myself another chance to get back to my avid reader self. I miss that. It bothers me. But they redirected me to amazon site to find information on workings of the kindle. Great! Maybe no problem for people who love browsing any time of the day. I am the one who loves succinct information. For the past hour I have'nt been able to locate just one info I need. Please do not mind my ignorance regarding this, readers, but I have read up some free ebooks online and I thought kindle would be my best bet to readup whenever, wherever. Now its taking me time to research the workings of the kindle. When I brought this up with my kiddo, she goes like - 'kindle fire is user friendlier'. Really? What happened to technology at your fingertip with devices which where just released maybe say a couple of years back?  Now they have better devices where consumers have to spend a lot more to get user-friendlier devices. Am bummed!!! Ya Ya!! I know! I know!! technology changes every second these days. I know there are quick user-guides for equipments, too. But still, its a concern. Its really getting tougher to catch up. Am sad about how much I dont know.

Am I that old already? Do I sound exactly like my own parents now? I keep questioning myself. I am an IT pro and yet small print is what I am trying to drive away from? I remember my dad said long ago - 'always answer your exam questions in bullet-points, clear and concise' and thats how I like expressing myself. Not just a jumble of words.

Thats yet another story - the lack of proper communication that I faced during my hospital visit last week. Its the best children's hospital to be at, for care and treatment, when your child needs immediate care. But like my friend put it - there is a lot of administrative chaos. As a parent it was difficult to cut through this chaos and understand the way things work. Anyways - will probably take up another page to share my frustration about that later.

leaving you with this thought - How much information do you think is enough to wade through OR to get a grip on anything?

Want to own a home?

You ask me - is it good to rent or own a house? I am uncertain. But if you buy one, make sure you plan on staying there for at least 10 yrs to build some equity on the house. Its a buyers market and hence there are numerous properties sitting in the market for sale. The dilemma comes when you have to mark down the list price of your property in this competitive market so it sells.
How low can you really go!!
I started exploring some options and the next best I found is "renting it out". Now the question is how soon can you get a renter/leasee.
Still to see that!!

BTW if you are reading this blog please take a look at this link:
http://www.movoto.com/tn/682-huffine-manor-cir-franklin/571_1381513.htm

This property is also available for lease :
http://www.nashvillesmls.com/listing/1388157-682-huffine-manor-circle-franklin-tn-37067/
Happy house hunting!!
 

Facebook

innumerous blogs about the latest and greatest I am sure. nothing else really grabs anyones attention for this long. u love to hate it and yet you are glued to it.. all thru the day checking updates from friends, news, views, things happening around the world..
how did I know about the AMRI hospital mishap in india - thru an update from my friend... and it goes on and on
wow!!!
a portal to world affair
the newz at your service
any catastrophe and political issue, anything on this globe or outside finds focus here
what a media!!! what way to communicate!!
people have almost forgotten the newspaper
some still use it to satisfy part of that unfulfilled intellectual thirst to read an actual print and feel it while reading, news,views and gossip..
today I read about Kony 2012 and shared a link with all my friends, so even if someone didnt know will know now about this heinous criminal in Africa.
I got sick - posted an update so then friends called to find out how I was doing..great way to convey a message when living here in the US you even might not know your own neighbor, but he happens to be your FB friend(since he is a common friend of your friend)..
great!!
sending bday messages to people you havent even seen for ages..
reconnecting with high school and old friends and in keeping with the famous saying - "Make new friends, but cherish the old ones"..
sharing pictures, videos of every miniscule event in anyones life..
yeah!!!
I am smitten by it .. yet after spending sometime , I feel guilty that I wasted my time on facebook.
kids asking for permission to create their facebook accounts as their bday gifts.. how far can it go?
this has been here and will probably stay .. google+ didnt fly that high.. buzz - I wonder how many seriously use it.. orkut is history.. FB's in for a long haul!! there I said it!!! and now the wheel will turn and something new will replace the FACE of facebook.. or will it!!!

Relax!!!!

Who?? me? I wish I could.. its hard.. someone tell me how to.. a simple 5 letter word.. so circumstantially different.. its been a while I have actually completely relaxed.. even during sleeping the events of the day pop up in my dreams coaxing me to think of what to deal with next day.. ya!! relax!! try!!

misfit in a gym

oftentimes I am inspired to go to the gym..but with anticipation I enter 'Thy Kingdom'.. I get clumsy around the humongous equipments.. I somehow feel all those grave faced athletic looking people exercising their life out, are looking at me with piercing eyes ready to mock me at the slightest mistake I make in using an equipment.. aside from the treadmill(my bud), I dare not look at the other less friendlier ones..and during those rare occasions of going to the gym I finally gathered up the courage to acquaint myself with Mr Elliptical(just by watching others) and the bike too and that my friend is all I use if i ever step into Gym Kingdom.. its more the fear of messing up and the savory ego of not letting the other frequent visitors know that 'I am ignorant'.. :(
but I have found yet another comfortable and non-challenging method of exercising - a brisk walk in fresh air, in the mornings.. no exercise can beat that.. my goal - a healthier lifestyle..

Reflections

constant changes.. everyday u emerge as a new you, without even realizing.. when duty calls you sometimes go beyond urself and establish certain idealogy that surprises u..

Quagmire...

You try hard to be positive about life and keep fighting each day.. along that journey you unravel what life wants of you.. yet it aint crystal clear.. you keep digging deep, the deeper you dig the messier it gets..kya sahi kya galat.. so hard to figure out @ tyms.. your best bet is your own little world and your cosy corner which makes you feel safe for few moments.. if you have created your shelter around you, you like to stay in that shadow.. and then that moment comes when you wanna peek out.. you take one look and stretch into a stride then the next and yet when you think you are doing what you want and finding happiness in that, you end up in a quagmire.. how many realization does one need to dawn upon themselves? how many mistakes to do one right? lifes lessons - they are endless.. when do we actually stop thinking, cautioning ourselves, and start living? mere liye kya sahi hai - this moment? who knows it? even when I say this I feel someone's watching over me and probably smirking -'YOUR LIFE'S ROUTE IS IN MY HANDS' - as if an existence of a strong force somewhere in the clouds up there..

long tym.....

hi online journal - did you miss me? I did!! but cudnt find the tym or energy to jot on you.. very excited about new cultural project with friends, in the near horizon.. hope and Pray it sees success.. although it stresses me more, yet the prospect and enthusiasm of trying something new somehow tickles my energy buds..
dance drama with live music in music city Nashville, was hardly a thot even a year back from now..

was hanging around with friends for a casual lunch gettogether, chit chatting about how we all miss performances with live dance and singing, etc when this idea popped up.. with the effort of handful of people we embarked upon this journey which will see a culmination into 'Chitrangada', a dance Drama written by Rabindra Nath Tagore, to mark his 150th birth centennial year, by our just-formed performing arts group - Heartscape2011.
And then in june Regional Bengali Conference 2011. Highlights of this event - songs by Kavita Krishnamurthy, Annesa dutta, Aneek Dhar,etc.. check it out here : http://www.rbc2011.org/
Boy!!! am I so immersed in Cultural activities.. my lifeline pretty much!!

Education

Education - Is your lifelong guide to achieve your professional goals.
Misty
In trying to explain to my daughter why we need education this is what I came up with - a succinct definition in itself.. we can go on and on about education.. some people just cant make it beyond the books.. but most of us I am sure are more aware of how our education helps us grow in our personal life too.
You work for the money, self_fulfillment, a purpose in life and to help others too.

'Pretend you are a unicorn in unicornland'

'Mumma - that was our writing assessment prompt today @ school... I feel bad particularly for the boys.. they have no clue about unicorns .. besides I am not that girly girl or of that age anymore to think about Unicorns.. so it didnt go well..' said my daughter .. I cudnt help laughing @ her simplicity of diction.. my thots travelled back thru tym to my days of writing essays @ school.. writing essays used to be such a pain .. thinking about the topic and then putting it together was real scary @ tyms.. 'what words to use to fill up those pages' I would think.. and now it doesnt bother me.. I think I can swirl my pen or type-away @ the computer on any given topic.. OR can I? I think I feel its easier now since i dont have the pressure of gng thru the education system.. and I feel I am done.. OR am I? I work with computers .. I work in technology.. is there an end to learning? nah!!! we always have to keep ourselves abreast to the most current applications, softwares, gadgets, etc being used around our work-bench.. 'Need I write' u ask? well!! yes every single day.. even a well-formed email related to work is like writing your thoughts down into proper words for people to understand.. some managers complain 90 percent of their time is spent in Microsofts outlook express @ work or some form of email application.. anyways getting back to what I began - my daughter's basic complaint in this regard was that the topic wasnt cool enough for her to be able to express herself well.. so am on hold to see what grade she brings in for this assignment.. am guessing 'not-so-good'

Cant believe its 2011!!

and 2012 dec 23rd the world comes to an end.. just got exactly 2 yrs to live..
If it were so - what would you wanna do first?
- I would wanna go around the world, siteseeing the 7 wonders of the world with my closest of friends and family :D
- go meet in person all my old friends and their family too
- read all best seller novels
- listen to all kinda music around the world
- compose a piece with my name etched on it
- perform a jaw-dropping solo dance - amaze the audience
- maybe go meet some old flames heheheh!!!

Now some good work that I plan on doing:

- Go meet my God-daughters - Gouagne in Mali and Manisha in Bombay and spend some tym with them. You are in my thoughts gals!
- help some non-profit organization who are trying to help hungry children
- adopt a child
- do fund raisers thru music to raise money for Red Cross, Unicef and such

PSS

PSS - perpetual Stress Syndrome:

hmm!!! I knew something was wrong with me, when I came down with aches and pains over the past year or 2.. but cudnt put my finger on it.. I always carried the guilt of not setting a time aside for exercising.. I wanted to help myself .. and hence began the search for answers.. After going thru some info on yoga and healing this is what I found- people!! most of us suffer from PSS - perpetual stress syndrome.. we forget to relax or breath consistently.. it is unconsciously done.. when someone asked me to breath in and out it took me a while to figure out the most important and simple exercise we all are born with - BREATHINg normally.. inhalation and exhalation.. thats the focus in Yoga and healing.. with the onslaught of widespread exercise regimen - pilates, zumba, power workouts of everyname, to choose from these days, we oftentimes are attracted by heavy workouts basically to sweat your body like crazy.. ones which will tone down our muscles or body, oftentimes ignoring the fact that healing every inch of our body is equally or more important.. I am in noway insisting anyone to start yoga-ing right away.. but please make an effort to start breathing normally focusing on nothing but your regular breathing.. every cell of your body will thank you for the oxygen you fill them with, so they get their fuel to do their normal function.. more on YOga and healing as I assimilate info.. cant tell you, I already feel so energized sharing this info with all.. I began! I am sure pretty soon you all will be convinced enough to slide your body into feeling good soon too.. its all about your well-being..
My mind gets distracted while I am doing my regular breathing exercises..it gets drawn to the sink load of dishes to be washed but I am getting good @ refocussing on my breathing technique
FOr beginners - Kundalini Yoga, Pranayama(simple anolom, vilom), Breath of fire(short sniffs), the Cat stretch and some basic yoga stretches should work wonders. There are several freely available youtube videos on these. Balance it with food too.

12 food must eats:

1) Black beans
2) lean chicken
3) Salmon
4) Eggs
5) Oranges
6) Mixed berries
7) Almonds
8) Leafy salads
9) cook in Extra Virgin Olive oil
10) Low fat yogurt - Activia for women
11) Whole grain bread and whole grain cereal
12) Dark Chocolate(for dessert)
13) Women only - red Wine - 1 serving for dinner(optional) - if u have chronic illnesses please refer to doc..

This is a new beginning :)

Chance Encounter

social network tying the world in one big knot.. wow!!! u gotto love it!!
u get in touch with old friends and then make new ones over the internet.. chatting.. emailing.. sharing pics in ways which were unthot of even a decade back.. how we grow alongside tym.. only tym never gets older it flows like a river water.. some places narrow.. some places wide.. while people grow older and eventually die, tym never does.. wonder ven people will finally realize and let tym take its toll instead of trying to control it.. u cant stop the on-slaught of tech culture.. it will happen whether you like it or not.. only last tym ven Baba was here he hated the laptop and cudnt work it well.. but this tym around neither the remote bothered him nor my laptop.. and most of his tym was spent glued to the TV or the laptop.. which says that we eventually grow.. its like the masses catch up.. if anyone heard me say I dont like iPhone(I absolutely meant it).. only now there r few technologically advanced creatures who dont have one.. can u name one? its going on and its going to be all good.. the repurcussions we feel in a raising occurance of obesity, cancer,posture related issues, nervous disorders, and many such diseases and other problems.. but that doesnt necessitate a curb on advancement...
thats in continnum!!

Uncertainities galore

one day u feel u made it!!! the very next instance a force turns things around.. uncertainities are a way of life.. we live with it .. dipping our askance soul every single minute.. some go thru moments of tension all along .. shun the sions