Professional life - Part 1

Had I started with TCS back in 1997, I would have had 21 years of working in IT, under my wings?! Phew?! Hard to fathom that when I look back at a series of 'turn of events' which has brought me to where or more appropriately 'who' I am today. Man proposes.. God Disposes! who are the geniuses who came up with these quotes?! So true!! but at the same time there is NO equal to life's experiences that I have gathered along the way.

When I started off right after high school,  and after having failed to get through state level Medical entrance exams in West Bengal and Orissa 👀 One thing became crystal clear - 'Doctory(if thats even a word) aint my religion   . 'Engineering'?! Nope. Needed to find something that matched my persona. And years later when I am penning down this post, I am thinking to myself - 'whatever was I thinking back then'. Well! fact of the matter is that I wasnt thinking. This plan of only focussing on me being either a doctor or an engineer was laid out for me cause of my environment and circumstances just like the horses with blinkers, so only a narrow stretch is visible to them. Also fact remains of our middle class mentality. We were not encouraged to dream big. I wonder why.

While I am still constantly trying to play it safe, my inner voice is screaming - ENOUGH!

Contemplating this even more, since my daughter is at that same threshold today and trying to figure out which path she wants to walk. Cause truly life offers options. You need to grab it at the right time. Mostly your own insecurities hold you back. They are your 'Saboteurs'(as one of my friend mentioned).                        
                               .....................to be continued

Pishemoshai - the Illusionist

Missing my one and only Pishemoshoi immensely. He departed for his Heavenly abode exactly 4 months after my Dad, this month. Feeling sad that I didnt interact with him as much as I should have, after growing up. Spent innumerous summer days during my visit to Kolkata at my pishis house in College street. As best put by my own sister - "Pishemoshai created a world of intrigue and imagination around us, which is tremendously attractive to any child." We followed him  like  the rats followed the pied Piper of Hamlin, into the Ghodi/Clock room, full of all kinds of age old watches and clocks. It created an impression of the past in that room for us.  He would play with us - tag, hide and go seek, ludo, whatever game we were up for. He would bring very rare Seafood, fruits and vegetables for us to try out. He created a mysterious world for us and made those childhood memories so precious. He never scolded us for making a mess. He would say  in Bengali - "Bachchara to korbeyi" - "kids are kids, let them be". His home was never a typical Bengali "Lakhishri home" because it was infested with children/kids from the neighborhood. He would help us build a stage for all kids performances too in the the bylane they lived at.  He would make all kinds of tasty treats for kids and for those adults who had a heart of a child. My pishi would  scold him sometimes for participating in all the pranks with us :-). He never questioned our likes, dislikes or wants and understood exactly what kids love most - to be accepted for who they are.

Dedicating this quote to him for all the cheer, joy and precious memories he brought to us:

“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”

― Plato                 
You  will be missed! May your Soul rest in peace!

My Ma

From time to time I will focus on some of the closest people in my life and how they have affected my personal growth and well-being. Who else but my own Ma! whatever I am, I am because of her and my Baba too. Kinda getting emotional while writing this. She has been my strength and support through life. I never expected an instantaneous and correct answer from her, but she would always come back with an awesome and logical answer to all my questions. Very spiritual in her own upbringing, her sweetness has percolated in many people's life. She was one of the best teachers of her times and her students still adore her and reminisce those bitter-sweet days. She had just the correct balance of toughness and resilience about her. Yet there is this childlike nature to her where she never stops learning. Am so proud of her!

I am amazed how she has, very deftly adjusted with time and from a very strict mom has converted to a wonderful friend who I can lean on, most anytime. During my hard times, whenever I have talked to her she has tried to comfort me with her wisdom and shown me how I have overcome hardships in the past, imbuing me with more confidence in self.

She has such great talent in the arts, which she has never pursued(as a career, just because she wanted the best for her 2 daughters to begin with and was happy to just be a great mom) in a way where she could establish herself as a household name in society. She could have been an awesome dress designer. She would spend innumerous hours stitching dresses for me and my sister(for events and festivals) until we both went off to college and she even stitches for us now whenever she finds time. She always has a unique touch to home decoration and its classy. She has a beautiful singing voice, but never pursued singing in a way where she could make a name for herself, but she always encouraged me to pursue it. All she wanted was for her daughters, to turn out to be beautiful human beings inside-out. Because of my parents and their sacrifices I now sit here and recollect those beautiful childhood memories. I realize now, how hard parenthood is, cause I am a mom and its a humongous task to be a parent. The decisions you take as a parent affect your child directly. so you have to be cautious. Noone actually teaches you to be one. What kinda parent you are is your own choosing!

Today I called her since I was feeling low due to a shortcoming. She was disappointed on my account too, cause she feels my pain, but after a few minutes she readjusted and gave me her suggestions and advice to get on and not look back at what has already happened. I am lucky and thankful to have few such wonderful people in my life who I will mention in some of my future posts.

Its her greatness that she accepts, whatever she did as a parent might not have all been right. But yes she was much younger and inexperienced and did what she felt was right. Well! we turned out fine! So I think it was all good. Allz well! That Ends Well!!

I would always want my Ma to be my mom in all subsequent rebirths. Shes the best and I love her dearly! Shes my pillar of strength and I think I know that from the time my heart beat synced with hers, in her womb.

In All fairness

“If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them, it is like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don't eat lion...” - unknown

We need to think of a strategy to deal with the world. Expectations are boundless.. keep expecting without doing and you are in for failures. Its actually and mostly YOU that make things happen for you.  

Birthday puzzle solved

O thats why! The loads off today. I feel much lighter.

uff!! what a relief yesterday is done. gosh!! human mind! we unintentionally think so much so so much. On the actual birthday  you expect a wish from almost everyone who comes to talk to you, at least I do. I am almost a tad snappy that day, guess thats happening more often with passing years. Its as if everyone is getting another year to wish me. It really sounds funny when I put it this way. Your expectation, more or less is that, they know its your bday and they should wish you. I was so tense all day yesterday, lest anyone didnt wish me. I felt mad and sad. I felt unimportant if the person talking to me didnt wish me(particularly if by intuition I knew he/she knew it and forgot to mention). I consider birthdays are special where a new star is added to your life. Its a celebration of life itself. That ultimate factor that makes us human. The heart within us that continues beating, that breath of life, the senses, the perception, the emotions, the thing they call love and of course at times the glorious feeling of adding another year to the thing they call your life.

ufff! glad yesterday is done. By the end of the day, if I didnt get a wish, I kinda coaxed the person to wish me or extracted a hug if I had to. Now I am smiling and laughing to my silly endeavors all through yesterday. But to tell you the truth, I feel much lighter and relieved that the day is done. From childhood I carried the feeling you have to really be gracious about this particular day and to the birthday person. Noone can scold you, noone can say bad things to you, etc and such stuff. Its a free pass to happy living that day. You get gifts and everyone appreciates you for who you are, at least that day. Its one day a year thats yours. Why not make the best of it!!!

Typicality at its utmost

Why is it that the same community you expect to be your support system does everything to pull you down!!!

Why is it that while you are building your dream these same folks do everything to bring the walls of your dream down!!!

Your imagination, your creativity gives birth to a mirror of ideas and when that idea is finally taking a form, shape and spreading cheer and inspiration and joy abound, a stray pebble whizzes thru and tends to shatter it.

Its so hard to build something and so easy break it. Why then those destroying hands dont help with building!!

This is for a friend and her struggle with her uniqueness and her intent to make a mark and to raise awareness for a special gift and her ultimate passion.

Information overload

haha!! While I begin to write this I am ending up posting a blog for people to read(yet again). While I am happy to be a part of this day and age where all information is at your fingertip, I feel frustrated that you do not have a one-stop-shop for any information on anything anymore. Few years back you bought a piece of equipment and a user manual came with it for you to understand the workings of that equipment. So you read that, figured it out and you were good to go.

This past week I got my new kindle(not kindle fire). Its nothing hi-fi. Simple device to download books and read. Really want to give myself another chance to get back to my avid reader self. I miss that. It bothers me. But they redirected me to amazon site to find information on workings of the kindle. Great! Maybe no problem for people who love browsing any time of the day. I am the one who loves succinct information. For the past hour I have'nt been able to locate just one info I need. Please do not mind my ignorance regarding this, readers, but I have read up some free ebooks online and I thought kindle would be my best bet to readup whenever, wherever. Now its taking me time to research the workings of the kindle. When I brought this up with my kiddo, she goes like - 'kindle fire is user friendlier'. Really? What happened to technology at your fingertip with devices which where just released maybe say a couple of years back?  Now they have better devices where consumers have to spend a lot more to get user-friendlier devices. Am bummed!!! Ya Ya!! I know! I know!! technology changes every second these days. I know there are quick user-guides for equipments, too. But still, its a concern. Its really getting tougher to catch up. Am sad about how much I dont know.

Am I that old already? Do I sound exactly like my own parents now? I keep questioning myself. I am an IT pro and yet small print is what I am trying to drive away from? I remember my dad said long ago - 'always answer your exam questions in bullet-points, clear and concise' and thats how I like expressing myself. Not just a jumble of words.

Thats yet another story - the lack of proper communication that I faced during my hospital visit last week. Its the best children's hospital to be at, for care and treatment, when your child needs immediate care. But like my friend put it - there is a lot of administrative chaos. As a parent it was difficult to cut through this chaos and understand the way things work. Anyways - will probably take up another page to share my frustration about that later.

leaving you with this thought - How much information do you think is enough to wade through OR to get a grip on anything?